I genuinely am trying

I’m genuinely trying to be respectful and give you space. I want you to understand that when I don’t give you much attention, it’s not because I don’t want to. Sometimes I hear things or feel like people are watching me, and it makes me uncomfortable expressing how I feel around you. I’m on the phone with my brother. I’m not doing anything to upset you. I’ve been feeling insecure because I don’t know where we stand. I’m trying, Shayna. I’m really trying. Hearing that I’m crazy hurts, especially when all I’ve wanted is to feel close to you. I’m not mad at you. I’m just reaching a point where I’m questioning whether you feel the same way about me. Do you want me? Do you want this at all? Without communication, your actions are all I have to go by. I’m watching your actions because they’re the only indication I have of how you feel, and sometimes I don’t know how to interpret them. I want to see whether there’s a genuine willingness to move toward me, even in a small way. I don’t want to pressure you or make you uncomfortable. I just want to understand whether there’s something mutual here. My heart really is yours if you love me too. But I need to know whether you want to build something with me, because I can’t keep trying to understand everything through silence.